Job <3 Me

Scene from a manager's meeting that may never have happened:

"Okay, everybody - the most pressing piece of business on the agenda today is MattJosh's imminent departure. His contract with our organization is almost up, and I think he deserves a big break as a going away present."

(Here ensues such a brouhaha of agreements that makes parliament seem downright civil)

"Yes, yes, settle down, we all feel the same way about him, that remarkable bastard. So how do we express our admiration? Try to think up ways for him to make more money the closer he gets to his end date. I open the floor for your suggestions."

"We could start paying him for his commute! That would be a big break for him considering he's driving daily between LA and San Diego right now."

"And hey, while we're paying him for the commute, let's convert him to a non-exempt employee so he'll be making overtime for all those hours spent on the road. And of course we'll continue to reimburse him for his mileage at a rate far better than actual gas prices."

"Naturally - way to go on that non-exempt idea, too."

"Why not make him turn in his company laptop a month early, but then give him a huge bonus so he can buy that MacBook Pro he's been hankering for?"

"Oooh, I like that, but remember he's getting a huge bonus at the end of the contract already."

"True enough, all that commute and mileage money will more than pay for that laptop anyway."

"That's right, anything else?"

"Why don't we keep paying him after he leaves, as some sort of on-call consultant basis? You know, so he can still get a paycheck while he's on vacation in Europe?"

"Splendid! Meeting adjourned!"

***

Something like the above exchange must have taken place amongst my bosses recently. How else could I be so fiscally lucky in my last month at this job? The only thing that hasn't happened (yet) is that last one, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Granted, many of the changes taking place will actually be really unfortunate for my coworkers who have contracts extending beyond my own, but I can't deny that I am personally benefitting hugely from such crazy changes. I just wish they'd done it three weeks ago so I could have milked it for my entire stay in San Diego.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is this:

I am one high rolling son of a bitch right now.